Wedding Guest Etiquette: A Planner’s Guide to Being the Perfect Guest

With fall being the most popular time for weddings in Chicago, I thought it would be helpful to point out several common faux pas I see guests continually make. As a wedding planner, I can tell you that even the most well-meaning guests sometimes forget that etiquette still matters, and following a few simple guidelines can make the entire celebration smoother for everyone involved.

Whether you’re attending as a friend, family member, or plus one, here’s my insider’s guide to proper wedding guest etiquette, from reading your invitation correctly to understanding RSVP rules, gift-giving, and more.

1. The Invitation: Read Carefully and Know Who’s Invited

Good wedding guest etiquette begins the moment you open the invitation. The way names are written tells you exactly who is invited , so take note before you RSVP.

Individual Guest

“Mr. John Smith” means that you are invited as an individual without a guest or plus-one.

Couples

“Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”

“Mr. Paul Johnson and Mr. David Harris”

“Ms. Margaret Davis and Liz Smith”

“Mr. John Hunt and Ms. Anne Shapiro”

means that the couple is invited. If the couple has children, this indicates that the children are not invited.

With a Plus-One

If your invitation says “and guest,” it means you are invited to bring a plus-one. This doesn’t have to be a romantic date, it could be a close friend or a family member.

Families

“Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, and Family” means that the whole family is invited — bring all the kids!

If it says “Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Davis, Jennifer and Thomas,” this indicates that only those named children are invited if there are more at home.

Tip: Always double-check before assuming who’s included. Nothing creates more stress for a couple or planner than unexpected guests at the door.

2. RSVP on Time — and Accurately

This one is big. Your RSVP affects far more than you may realize, from food quantities to tables, chairs, linens, centerpieces, favors, and the overall planning flow.

Be sure to:

• Return your RSVP by the date indicated.

• Clearly state the number attending — only those invited.

• Choose from the entrée options provided (if it says fish or chicken, please don’t write in beef).

• Indicate any dietary restrictions if there’s a section for it.

I once received an RSVP where a guest invited with a plus one wrote “Number attending: 9.” Needless to say, that led to an awkward conversation!

If you’re collecting RSVPs as a couple or parent and get one with too many names, the best approach is to kindly explain that the venue has a set capacity and space simply doesn’t allow for extra guests. Most people will understand.

Remember, a wedding isn’t a restaurant, meal selections are planned and plated based on what’s offered. Substitutions are made only for true dietary needs.

3. Gifts: Give Thoughtfully and Respectfully

When it comes to gifts, wedding guest etiquette is all about thoughtfulness.

Most couples use a gift registry, which makes it simple to choose something they truly want. Ordering online and shipping directly to the couple is a great way to avoid carrying the gift to the venue (and saves them from transporting it home).

If you’d rather bring something unique, you can, just know the couple will notice if it’s a recycled gift.

In many cultures, giving cash or a check is also traditional. I always provide a secure card box at the reception for this purpose. Please remember to drop your card in early, as I often clear the gift table for security once dinner begins.

How much should you spend?

It’s a personal choice based on your relationship to the couple and your budget. However, if you attend a wedding, it’s proper to bring a gift, and even if you can’t attend, sending a small token is a lovely gesture.

And no, you don’t have “up to a year” to send it, proper etiquette says as close to the wedding date as possible.

4. Follow Instructions and Respect the Flow

Every event runs on timing, and couples put a lot of thought into the guest experience. Good etiquette means following the signals they’ve planned.

• When asked to be seated for dinner, do so promptly so the service isn’t delayed.

• If the bar closes before dinner, don’t ask the bartender for “just one more.” The bar will reopen later.

• Wait for an announcement before heading to the sweet table or late-night snacks. Photographers often need time to capture photos before guests dive in!

At some ethnic weddings, families bake and contribute sweets for dessert. If so, these arrangements are made in advance, and sometimes a group photo is taken before the table opens. Always wait until you’re told it’s time to enjoy.

5. Don’t Take What Isn’t Yours

You’d be surprised what guests will try to take home. I’ve had to stop guests from leaving with framed table numbers, and even a 5-foot floral centerpiece!

If the couple invites you to take a centerpiece, make sure to ask if the vase or container should be returned to the florist. Often, the flowers are removable, and you can take them without the vessel.

When it comes to favors, please only take the number designated for your group. If it says “one per couple,” that’s exactly what it means! One guest once asked me for a bag so she could take extras for her neighbors and relatives in Europe — a definite no-no.

6. Remember: You’re Part of Their Special Day

At the heart of wedding guest etiquette is one key idea — respect. This day isn’t just an event; it’s a once-in-a-lifetime celebration for two people in love.

By following these simple rules and tips, you help make their big day everything they dreamed of, smooth, elegant, and filled with joy.

In Conclusion

Most guests already understand these things, but it’s always good to have a reminder. The way you show up, respond, and participate makes a huge difference. Follow these etiquette guidelines, and you’ll not only make a great impression, you’ll help create a day filled with love, laughter, and unforgettable memories.

Because at the end of the day, being a great guest is one of the best gifts you can give any couple.

FAQ: Wedding Guest Etiquette

Q: What’s the most important rule of wedding guest etiquette?

Always respect the couple’s wishes, from who’s invited to what to wear. Follow their lead, and you’ll never go wrong.

Q: When should I send a wedding gift?

As soon as possible, ideally before the wedding or within a few weeks after. Don’t wait months; it feels more thoughtful when it’s timely.

Q: Can I wear white to a wedding?

Unless the couple specifically says otherwise, it’s best to avoid white, that color is reserved for the bride.

Q: What if I can’t attend the wedding?

Still RSVP, and consider sending a small gift or card to show your appreciation and congratulations.

Q: How early should I arrive to the ceremony?

Plan to arrive at least 20–30 minutes early. It’s respectful and ensures you’re seated before the ceremony begins.